STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS II

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have ?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand."

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

For Happy Students

Memo to all students.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality
work and productivity from students, it will be
our policy to keep all students well taught
through our program of
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T.
than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share
of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer.
You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T.
list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at
seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Students who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in
DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go
to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).
Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated,
they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full
of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in
a job teaching others. We can add your name to our
BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).
For students who are intending to pursue a career in management
and consulting, we will refer you to the department of
MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION ( M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).
This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.
If you have further questions, please direct them to our
HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING
( B.I.G. S..H.I.T.)

PS.
Now send this S.H.I.T. to 5 people who need S.H.I.T. in
their life, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T.,
they have already had their fill of S.H.I.T.

Thank You for your time.
Sincerely,

The Director Under the Michigan Bureau of Super
High Intensity Teaching.
(The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.)

Words of Wisdom

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking,
but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.


2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell-a-Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends. (for guys)

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ? It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him. Ant 2 says :
No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY to GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH somebody TWICE for the same Mistake

OLD WOMAN AND HER DAUGHTERS

Once, there was a widow who has three daughters. One day, her three daughters merried and went along with their husbands. Before they went, the old woman told her daughters to write to her about their experiences of marriage after one month.
After one month later, the eldest daughter wrote to her mother. The letter contained only two words "Chatter Bank ". The old lady didn't know the meaning of Chatter Bank. So , she found in the directory. She found the advertisement of Chatter Bank. Their motto is " Strong, Big and Stick ". Then she murmured , " I see".
The second daughter wrote to her only two words, " Coffee Bean ". She also didn't know the meaning of Coffee Bean. So, she found again in the directory. Then she saw the slogan of Coffee Bean. It said " Very tasteful until the last drop ". She said again, " I see".
The youngest daughter wrote also two words , " Singapore Airline ". She also didn't know and found in the directory. The statement of Singapore Airline is " Four or five times a day. Seven days a week. Nonstop flight". Then she whisper " Now, I clearly see."