Friday, July 10, 2009


An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for
2 months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.. The
test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!'

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari
stops in front of their house.

A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an
Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells
them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on
the man's shoulder and tells him,

'You try again.'

Thursday, August 07, 2008


1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have ?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand."


BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Friday, July 18, 2008

For Happy Students

Memo to all students.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality
work and productivity from students, it will be
our policy to keep all students well taught
through our program of

We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T.
than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share
of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer.
You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T.
list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at
seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Students who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go
Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated,
they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full
of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in
a job teaching others. We can add your name to our
For students who are intending to pursue a career in management
and consulting, we will refer you to the department of
This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.
If you have further questions, please direct them to our

Thank you,
( B.I.G. S..H.I.T.)

Now send this S.H.I.T. to 5 people who need S.H.I.T. in
their life, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T.,
they have already had their fill of S.H.I.T.

Thank You for your time.

The Director Under the Michigan Bureau of Super
High Intensity Teaching.
(The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.)

Friday, July 13, 2007

Words of Wisdom

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking,
but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell-a-Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends. (for guys)

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ? It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him. Ant 2 says :
No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY to GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH somebody TWICE for the same Mistake

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Once, there was a widow who has three daughters. One day, her three daughters merried and went along with their husbands. Before they went, the old woman told her daughters to write to her about their experiences of marriage after one month.
After one month later, the eldest daughter wrote to her mother. The letter contained only two words "Chatter Bank ". The old lady didn't know the meaning of Chatter Bank. So , she found in the directory. She found the advertisement of Chatter Bank. Their motto is " Strong, Big and Stick ". Then she murmured , " I see".
The second daughter wrote to her only two words, " Coffee Bean ". She also didn't know the meaning of Coffee Bean. So, she found again in the directory. Then she saw the slogan of Coffee Bean. It said " Very tasteful until the last drop ". She said again, " I see".
The youngest daughter wrote also two words , " Singapore Airline ". She also didn't know and found in the directory. The statement of Singapore Airline is " Four or five times a day. Seven days a week. Nonstop flight". Then she whisper " Now, I clearly see."

Saturday, July 29, 2006


A: Do you know who is the happiest man in the world?

B: I don't know.

A: It is Adam.

B: Why?

A: Because he got a wife but he didn't get a mother in law.

B: Right .

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

MATHS OF LIFE ( scary but quite true )

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

E_mail Addresses of some famous people

A1 :
Aceof Base :
Aqua :
Ben Affleck :
Christina Auguilera :
Alan Alda :
Alice In Chains :
Pamela Anderson :

BackstreetBoys :
Black Crowes :
Blink 182 :
Bloodhound Gang :
Bon Jovi :
David Bowie :
Boyzone :
Sandra Bullock :
George W. Bush :

Bruce Campbell :
Cardigans :
Aaron Carter :
Ray Charles :
Cher :
Eric Clapton :
George Clooney :
Joe Cocker :
Alice Cooper :
Counting Crows :
The Cranberries :
Sheryl Crow :
Tony Curtis :

Carson Daly :
Destiny's Child :
Neil Diamond :
Cameron Diaz :
Leonardo DiCaprio :
Bob Dylan :

Eminem :
Eurythmics :

Five :
Flaming Lips :
Michael J. Fox :
Aretha Franklin :

Kenny G :
Bill Gates :
Uri Geller :
Goo Goo Dolls :
Grateful Dead :
Green Day :
Guns 'N' Roses :

Geri Halliwell :
Hanson :
Rutger Hauer :
Don henley :
Jennifer Love Hewitt :
Faith Hill :
Whitney Houston :

Billy Idol :
Natalie Imbruglia :

Elton John :
Jenny Jones :
Quincy Jones :
Judas Priest :

Kiss :

K.D.Lang :
Annie Lennox :
David Letterman :
Monica Lewinski :
Limp Bizkit :
Jennifer Lopez :
George Lucas :

Barry Manilow :
Steve Martin :
Paul McCartney :
Reba McEntire :
Bettle Midler :
The Moffatts

willie Nelson :
No Doubt :

YokoOno :
Donny Osmond :
Marie Osmond :

Brad Pitt :
Lisa Marie Prsley :
Prince :
Prodigy :
Puff Daddy :

Queen Latifah :

R.E.M. :
Radiohead :
Red Hot Chili Peppers :
Kenny Rogers :
A1 Roker :
Rolling Stones :
Roseanne :

S Club 7 :
Adam Sandler :
Carlos Santana :
Seal :
William Shantner :
Carly Simon :
Paul Simon :
The Simpsons :
Sisqo :
Wesley Snipes :
Britney Spears :
Stephen Spielberg :
Sting :

Shania Twain :

Usher :

Van Halen :

Lindsay Wagner :
Andrew Lloyd Webber :
Westlife :
Oprah Winfrey :
James Woods :
Tiger Woods :

Neil Young :
Paul Young :

Zaw Zaw Maung :


B.A : a degree which indicates that the holder has mastered the first two letters of the alphabet... backwards.

Backseat driver : a driver who drives the driver.

Black eye : a stamp of disapproval.

Bore : a guy, who, if you ask him what time it is, will start telling you how to make a watch.

Boss : the guy who watches the clock during the coffee break.

Boxing : guided muscle.

Chess : a game played on square by squares.

Christmas : that time of the year when mother has to separate the man form the toys.

Confidence : that quality which permits an individual to do crossword puzzles with a fountain pen.

Diploma : a job-hunting licence.

Expert : one who knows all the answers if you ask right questions.

Failures : the battlescars of those tried.

Genius : 1. a crackpot who hit the jackpot. 2. a man who can talk his boss to give him a raise... and his wife into letting him keep it.

Impossible : what nobody can do until somebody does it.

Infinity : a kind of foreverness that begins a speaker says, " and in conclusion."

Know-all : one who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Love : a word made up of two vowles, two consonants, and two fools.

Minute : that period of time in which, after keeping her husband waiting for an hour.

Money : what we spend for luxuries and owe for necessities.

Nothing : a bladeless knife without a handle.

Parking meter : a device that makes you do two hours shopping in one.

Patience : a postponed temper.

Pessimist : one who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.

Refrigerator : where you put dabs of food on dishes you don't want to wash.

Secret : something a woman tells every body not to tell anybody.

Shotgun wedding : a case of wife or death.

Television set : a watching machine.

Thesaurus : a book to look up for another word when you do not know the spelling of a word.

Wizard : a man who can describe -without gestures, an accordion, a spiral staircase, or a girl.

Zoo : a place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.


This IQ test is for sharp person. It contain 18 questions. Give one point if you correct one question. If you get 1 point to 6 point , you are a sharp person. If you get 7 points from 12 point, you are a very very smart person. If you get over 12, you are a genius. Ok, let try it.

1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters ( only alphabet are allowed, no numeric digits allowed. )

() Male
() Female
() Don't know

3.What is 2+2=?
() Four
() 4
() IV

4. If you have one brother, how many brothers does your brother have?
() None
() One
() Question is too personal

5. Complete the following sentence:
-------- --------- --------- -----------

6. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?

7. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question:
" My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother'daughter's
husband's wife is my mother herself."
Q: How many times does the word 'mother' appear in the above
() None
() Sometimes
() Uncountable

8. If someone gives you a kyat for 100 pyas, would you get:
() One kyat?
() 100 pyas?

9. Write an essay on " Myself " in not more than three sentences...
( Hint: My name is ........( same as in No.1) I'm a ..........( boy/ girl ). ( I
am writing an essay.)

10. If the time 3:00 a.m, what does your digital watch show?

11. This is question number -------.
() 1
() 11
() 20

12. Write full form of ASAP, as soon as possible. ( Hint:... As soon as....)

13. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

14. If you eat lunch during lunchtime, what will you have during

15. Spell T-H-E-S-A-U-R-U-S

16. Complete the following series
1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1, ...., ...., .....

17. On which day does Good Friday fall?

18. a, e, i, o, and u are called "vowels".
What are e, a, o, u and i called?